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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22527709">Heavy the Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura'>misura</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Temeraire - Naomi Novik</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Prisoner of War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:02:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,242</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22527709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Napoleon wins and makes Laurence the objective of his latest campaign.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Napoleon Bonaparte/William Laurence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>154</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Chocolate Box - Round 5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Heavy the Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nemainofthewater/gifts">Nemainofthewater</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Temeraire bore their defeat more gracefully than Laurence could have imagined or, indeed, desired: some days, it seemed to him that Temeraire did not mind at all, that Napoleon had won at last and might now exercise his tyranny over so large a portion of the world.</p><p>Of course, in no small part, this was to blame on Napoleon's policies regarding dragons, which looked to Laurence to be modeled after the Chinese - a finer example than that of, say, the Russians, and had anyone else suggested it or presented such changes, he might well have found it in his heart to support them whole-heartedly, but it was not; it was Napoleon, and all of Napoleon's plans were suspect.</p><p>"But, Laurence, I do not at all see why this should be so," Temeraire said.</p><p>Far from being treated as a prisoner, Laurence had been given every freedom, and while Temeraire might not help himself to whatever caught his fancy to eat, he need do nothing but mention some particular dish and it would be prepared for him.</p><p>(It had been made clear the same courtesy would be extended to Laurence, but this blandishment, at least, he had rebuffed soundly, saying, "Sir, if you imagine my loyalty to be won simply by a good meal or some sweets, as if I were a child, I must disappoint you," and Napoleon had smiled and then invited him to dinner, an invitation Laurence had not, in good conscience been able to refuse.)</p><p>Laurence still did not doubt what would occur were they to attempt to leave - to fly to some corner of the world as yet unconquered, or China, perhaps, where Napoleon would not dare follow them, even if his ambassador might still reside at the Imperial Court.</p><p>"If he wishes dragons to be treated well and to be given more freedom, well, that is only for the good, because if more dragons would be allowed to think for themselves, they would realize what sort of man he is, and then soon enough, they will turn against him," Temeraire went on. "And then we can all go back to living as we had before, only better, of course, because of the changes he has made already."</p><p>"My dear, it will not be as simple as that." For himself, Laurence felt he had lost all sense of normalcy. He could not imagine a world ruled by Napoleon that might lay claim to the word, nor a world that would not be left irrevocably changed by Napoleon's rule, however brief or lengthy that rule might turn out to be. "And besides, I do not think that whatever liberties will be given to dragons will also be given us."</p><p>"Well, no, but that is only because he wishes to have an egg with you and you do not, surely," Temeraire said, his tone so reasonable that it took Laurence a few moments to grasp his meaning.</p><p>"It is - " Laurence felt himself flush. "I cannot have an egg. I am a man, and so is Napoleon."</p><p>"Oh!" Temeraire said, as if this were some grand revelation, adding, "Oh, I see completely," a claim which Laurence was rather inclined to doubt. "But Laurence, even if you cannot have an egg, it can still be very nice, and you have often told me how you admire Napoleon, even if he is an evil tyrant we must defeat. So surely there can be no harm in enjoying yourself."</p><p>Trying to explain why Napoleon's plans to improve conditions for dragons were not to be supported sounded like a far more appealing project all of a sudden. Laurence wondered how he might steer the conversation back to this more innocuous topic.</p><p>"Jane will not mind, I am sure. After all, she is not anywhere near here, so she cannot complain that you might have enjoyed her company instead of that of Napoleon," Temeraire said, oblivious to Laurence's growing discomfort. "And it might make you feel better. I know you have been unhappy, these past weeks."</p><p>How could any man not, having witnessed Napoleon's absolute victory, Laurence thought bitterly. "My dear," he said, putting a hand on Temeraire's warm hide. "Let us speak no more of this, I beg you."</p><p>Temeraire made an unhappy sound. "But then, what can we speak of, that would make you happy?"</p><p>"Why need we speak of anything at all?" Laurence asked, an appeal that might have worked under other circumstances, but these were far from ordinary, and he saw almost at once that it would not do. "Or else, let us read some of these new books we have been given." By the French, which was to say Napoleon, but that need not be said aloud.</p><p>"Very well," Temeraire said, though he sounded reluctant, less eager than resigned.</p><p> </p><p>Conversing with Napoleon felt, by contrast, like an easy, simple thing. Laurence need not worry about hurt feelings or pride. He worried about his manners only minimally, feeling that if Napoleon insisted on acting as if they were friends, he could not then complain if Laurence acted with familiarity.</p><p>"I should like your opinion on my plans for a new London," Napoleon said over dinner. "Yours and Temeraire's, of course."</p><p>"Sir, you know full well my thoughts on your plans," Laurence replied.</p><p>"I know your thoughts on my character, which are rather uncharitable, even unkind." Napoleon smiled. It was an infectious smile, the smile of a man used to having other men vie for and bask in his approval.</p><p>Laurence did not wish to consider how things might have gone, had he been born a Frenchman rather than British. He would not have become an aviator in that case, anyway, never have had Temeraire for a dragon; Temeraire would have been Napoleon's, and borne a different name. Laurence himself would have been nobody to have drawn Napoleon's personal attention, he did not doubt.</p><p>He might have lived a far simpler, possibly happier life, in the service of a tyranny his upbringing would have left him to blind to recognize for the evil it was.</p><p>"Come now, am I so loathsome as that?" Napoleon coaxed.</p><p>"Sir," Laurence said, barely knowing where to start. "I am your prisoner, not your guest."</p><p>Napoleon toyed with his wineglass, his expression pensive. "And so, given your freedom, you would think the more kindly of me?"</p><p>Laurence was not fooled into thinking the offer sincere. It was only a lure, cast to draw him out.</p><p>"I would have thought you might value other gifts more," Napoleon said, a cool note to his voice. "After all, you are a man of honor, are you not? A man much dedicated to his dragon."</p><p>"Sir," Laurence said, trying to match Napoleon's tone, "if you think to command my affections by making threats against Temeraire, I will indeed think you loathsome."</p><p>"I have treated Temeraire as I have you: with unfailing kindness and generosity. And yet, for all this, I see but little return. A lesser man might begin to feel frustrated, even spurned. Insulted," Napoleon said.</p><p>"Kindness and generosity shown not for their own sake are nothing of the sort." Laurence swallowed. For himself, he did not care how he was treated, but he would not wish for Temeraire to be put in chains for the sake of a few ill-chosen words. "Sir."</p><p>"Very well, then let us speak frankly." Napoleon gestured expansively. "What do you want?"</p><p>"Nothing," Laurence said. It was true. All the admiration in the world for his other personal qualities might not make Napoleon any other than what he was, and Laurence could never permit himself to give in to such a man, or to extend any but the barest courtesies.</p><p>"I could call off my Russian campaign, but in truth, their treatment of their dragons deserves the term atrocious," Napoleon said. "Are you familiar with it, by any chance?"</p><p>Laurence might have cut off this line of conversation the more easily had Napoleon shown the least sign of his insincerity, but there was none. Logic and common sense dictated Napoleon would not offer to cease his wars merely to please Laurence, yet if there was even a chance Laurence might accomplish - not a ceasefire, but a mere respite, a post-ponement of hostilities, did he not owe it to his duty to try?</p><p>For all of Napoleon's smile and sweet words, Laurence had little hope he and Temeraire might be able to join the struggle against him again any time soon, insofar as any resistance remained at all that was not clearly doomed to failure, a postponement of the inevitable rather than a genuine effort.</p><p>"Sir, I am, and I agree with your description," he said, allowing his tone to reflect his disgust. If the sentiment was inspired as much by the unfortunate Russians as by his being forced to agree with a tyrant's opinion, that was no one's business but Laurence's.</p><p>Napoleon nodded. "To the west, of course, we have our campaign against the slave-owners. Knowing your feelings on the matter, I assume you would not wish me to renege on my promises to my allies, or to allow the institution to continue to exist?"</p><p>"Sir," Laurence said, trusting himself to say nothing more.</p><p>Napoleon's expression was faintly amused. "So. Neither of those. What, then? I am at a loss here, I do not mind admitting. Britain? I suppose I might release my hold on it easily enough, in exchange for certain promises."</p><p>"Sir, I find little kindness or generosity in your joking," Laurence said. "If you will excuse me, I believe that I am not hungry after all."</p><p>Napoleon's eyes glittered - in further amusement or in anger, Laurence could not say. Nor did he care, in this moment. "I do not joke about matters of empire, Captain Laurence. You wish for me to speak plainly, and so I will. A retreat of my troops from Britain once certain conditions are met, to ensure the British will not make a nuisance of themselves. In exchange for which, you will let me have you. A worthy price, do you not think?"</p><p>"A man's honor is beyond any price," Laurence said, his tone as cold as he could make it. He rose, relieved to find his legs capable of holding him, and walked out of the room, half-expecting some servant or guardsman to stop him, at a word from Napoleon, but he was allowed to reach the door and open it, and go through, only hearing the sound of a wineglass hurled against a wall and shattering as he walked away, barely knowing what he felt or thought.</p><p> </p><p>"So it is an egg he wants after all," Temeraire said. "Well, that is very flattering, I am sure."</p><p>"No," Laurence said. He had come to Temeraire desiring company, understanding, and sympathy, knowing he would likely only receive two out of those three, and telling himself he would be content with that much. "No, no, it is not about an egg at all. It is - well, I suppose it is a bit like marriage."</p><p>A low ploy, and Laurence felt ashamed of himself for having made use of it. Marriage would have been honorable, though of course Napoleon could no more marry Laurence than he could Lien - unless, naturally, that were part of his reforms as well. Laurence supposed it might be. Why not?</p><p>"Oh! In that case, you were right to reject him, and I am glad you did so," Temeraire said, flattening his ruff, his possessive instincts awakened.</p><p>It was as Laurence had intended, yet he could not but feel unhappy at the subterfuge, the almost-lie he had told in order to set Temeraire so against the idea of Laurence accepting the offer.</p><p>"Thank you, my dear," he said. "I am glad we are in agreement on this."</p><p>"Of course, as he is an emperor, I suppose he must have a great deal of treasure, and I am sure that you would make a splendid emperor also, but I do quite see how marrying him would not be at all the right thing to do, especially if he also offers to let us have Britain for ourselves again. Which would be great nonsense, since it is not really his to give away, even if his troops have it occupied right now."</p><p>"I will not - " Laurence told himself he had no one but himself to blame for this new misunderstanding.</p><p>"Well, and if now you do not want to enjoy yourself with him anymore without marrying him, that is entirely understandable," Temeraire said. "He ought to have known better than to ask. You are quite sure, are you not, that you would not wish to be emperor?"</p><p>"Yes," Laurence replied. On this, at least, he might speak with perfect honesty.</p><p>"Only we could do a great many things for our friends if you were," Temeraire said. "But if you do not want to, that is the end of it, and he had better accept that this is how it is and let us go."</p><p>Laurence sighed. "We may hope."</p><p> </p><p>"I feel that I owe you an apology," Napoleon said during their next dinner.</p><p>Laurence had come prepared to fend off another series of offers, ready to be offended and toyed with; this new avenue of attack (for he knew it could not be anything else) left him momentarily taken aback.</p><p>"Sir," he said. "I am your prisoner."</p><p>Napoleon shrugged, for once not denying the term. "Nevertheless."</p><p>"Then, if you care to make it, I assure you it will be accepted in the spirit it is offered," Laurence said. He had spent the night wishing he dared request something to eat and not wishing to give Napoleon the satisfaction of making him feel like a spoilt child, to refuse to eat its dinner and then regret it later.</p><p>Napoleon gave him a long look. "I hold you in the greatest admiration and affection, Captain. I hope this needs not be said; nevertheless, I have done so. Yet I am not merely a man. I am also an emperor. If yesterday, spurred on by passion, I spoke to you with the voice of an emperor rather than of a man wishing to secure your affections in return, such was not my intention."</p><p>"Very well," Laurence said. "I will believe that it was not your intention to offend me."</p><p>Napoleon chuckled. "In a way, I imagine that it is a good thing you are as honorable a man as you are. Had you accepted my offer - well. An emperor must keep his word, must he not? So you see, it is all for the best."</p><p>Laurence did not want to imagine what might have happened had he consented to let Napoleon 'have him'. He did not doubt Napoleon would be skilled, and passionate, and determined to sweep the field by any means necessary; there would be none of the ease and comfort there had been with Jane. It would have been a low thing, more animal than human, a coupling inspired by lust more than affection, for all of Napoleon's lofty claims.</p><p>Nor could Laurence himself claim to view Napoleon with any higher feelings. Any admiration he felt need be tempered by his knowledge of Napoleon's nature and actions, the ills he had already visited upon the world.</p><p>"So what happens now?" he asked.</p><p>Napoleon shrugged. "I will resume my campaign by other means. One does not attain my position by acting with impatience."</p><p>"You mean your intentions are unchanged; it is only that you will employ different methods," Laurent said. Part of him berated him for a fool; better, surely, to have traded honor for Britain's freedom, however circumscribed, than to be seduced and have nothing to show for it but his shame.</p><p>He might never give in, of course. Napoleon might lose interest eventually, and give them, if not their freedom, then at least quarters more suitable to their position. <i>And would you be happy then?</i></p><p>To himself, at least, Laurence could admit that part of him felt flattered, to be courted, however offensively by Napoleon. Part of him was tempted, would ever be tempted. He wondered if Napoleon knew and took it for encouragement, if Laurence himself was not as much responsible for the state of things between them as Napoleon himself, where a more unequivocal rejection might have ended the thing once and for all.</p><p>"One does also not attain my position by being quick to abandon one's ambitions," Napoleon said.</p><p>"Sir," Laurence said. "There can be no attachment formed between us that can be called honorable."</p><p>"Need it be called anything at all?" Napoleon countered, his eyes alight with what Laurence recognized as renewed interest. Had he kept quiet, he might have escaped without further skirmishes.</p><p>"You propose to have me in secret?" Laurence said coolly, though his heart seemed to beat entirely too loud.</p><p>"At this point, I would have you any way possible. If secrecy is your price, I do not object - though I believe you would, before long. Besides, what is the point in being the emperor's lover if one cannot have it be known so that one might make use of its power?" Napoleon offered him a faint smile. "Nor would I deny you that power, you understand. At heart, I am a fair-minded man, and I would not take from you without giving in return."</p><p>"I have not yet agreed to anything," Laurence said, though he envisioned it in his mind already.</p><p>Temeraire had planted the idea, though Laurence might still in honesty claim he had no desire to be emperor, nor to rule. Yet, if anyone were to check Napoleon, who better? Who else? Were Laurence to do the unthinkable, would he then meekly step aside for another, were Napoleon to choose one?</p><p>"You might," Napoleon said. Had he said 'You will' instead, sounding sure, Laurence might have resisted still; as it was, Napoleon sounded rather as if he only half-believed it himself, as if, in spite of all his words, he had not once believed his advances might be anything but rebuffed, time and again.</p><p>"Yes," Laurence allowed. "I might." What would Jane think, if she heard? What would Granby, or Tharkay? Britain had named him traitor once already; Laurence little doubted they would do so again, and part of him felt they would do so with far greater justification now - and yet what was Britain, even now, but conquered, crushed beneath the heels of a tyrant whose plans promised to make the world a better place for a great many people, including dragons?</p><p>Napoleon stared at him. Laurence met his gaze squarely, solidly.</p><p>"You might," Napoleon repeated, sounding surer, and then he grinned. "Good. That is good."</p><p>Laurence felt as if the moment was slipping away from him again, the glimpse of a Napoleon who was perhaps not so sure of his eventual success as he pretended to be lost again. He rose, barely knowing his own intentions until he stood close enough to Napoleon to touch; Napoleon has risen as well, his expression too neutral to not be hiding some other emotion.</p><p>It seemed the most natural thing in the world to kiss him, to seek to strip away that mask and see the truth of him, so Laurence did, and then again, and again, until he no longer recalled his original purpose any more than his objections.</p>
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